I'm so different now I barely recognize myself.
But mostly for the better.
Whatever is different for the worse I still need work on.
I don't know if it's the blast or the actual deployment as a whole that changed me as much as it did.
Probably both.

I need to try harder to grow up.

I've become a bit of an expert at letting go, but once it's gone I want to grab on again. Did I never let go to begin with?

Nonetheless forward is the only way I know how to move. At least that has not changed about me.


I want to be more selfish.
I can't even commit to doing that.
I need to live for me, even if for a little while.

There are not enough hours in the day.
I need to manage my time better.

I need to prioritize my actual plans in life.
But first I still don't know what's most important to me.

Can I keep flying where the wind takes me?
How can I set a plan for myself this way?

I'm lost when I'm alone because I can go anywhere and do anything.
But when someone is leading me I often want to wander off into the unknown.
Do I just want to be lost?
Should I continue wherever the wind keeps taking me?

I need to find a solid path; but one with many winding roads.