?

I'm pretty upset now, but in that calm rationalizing way if that makes sense.
So I'm free to do what I will of my life, but personally I don't really know what I want for myself. Admittedly I pretty much just do what I feel like with only vague goals that I hope solidify when the time is right. So far it's worked out for me, but I've always had that one person I thought would be there at the end to really work for.

 No longer the case.

Maybe of my own doing, or maybe that's just the way it is. Either way it has me a bit lost, but at the very least more focused on the task at hand. I guess what upsets me the most is now I don't know what I have to motivate me to come back. It leaves me more willing to stick my neck out for my comrades when we hit the ground, but that willingness is kind of scary when I think about it.

As my normal routine, I'll just wait it out and hope everything fixes itself for me.